In my own healing from Lyme, mold, dental issues and living with a covert passive aggressive narcissist. While raising 2 kids on my own (while married) for 22 years.
The best thing I ever did was divorce his sorry ass. 😅
It was one of the hardest and scariest things I ever did.
Stepping into the void of how to support myself financially, as the courts are biased toward the male.
Losing my home, community, health and wellness center, friends and kids. Having to take a leap of faith and trust, while recreating a new life, on all levels.
Lets throw in the fact that I had a narcissist mother who when I shared early on in the marriage, that it was not a healthy one and I needed to get out.
Told me, I have nothing to give to you. I cannot help you emotionally, financially or on any level.
During the past 5 hellish post divorce years and during the 22 years of marriage.
I had forgotten how to have fun, be creative and spontaneous.
Before marriage, I was easy going, confident and adventurous.
During the marriage, the gas lighting slowly and invisibly chipped away at my self esteem, spirituality and love for myself and life.
Slowly but surely, over the past year as I settle into my new life.
I am allowing myself to have fun again, in subtle ways. I am planning to travel again and have some adventures.
The stress of supporting myself after the divorce took a toll on my nervous system.
I have needed to lay low, hole up and spend a lot of time alone, in order to heal.
One of the ways I gifted myself today was by volunteering at the tube to work day, at Boulder Creek.
I had my feet in the water for 2 hours, as I helped people in their tubes get out of the water, at the end of the route.
There were tons of characters in the water dressed up as Elton John, in unicorn tubes, shark faces, full on business suits. It was so much fun to watch the look of joy as they sailed down the creek.
I plan on having many more water adventures. Including a baby pool in the back yard. For those days when I am peopled out. 😁
For those of you contemplating divorce. You have to be ready. You have to weigh the pros and cons.
I had been contemplating divorce, since the birth of my first child. It was 20 yrs before I got the courage and was healthy enough to leave him.
The actual divorce was extremely contentious, costly, took 3 years to finalize and I got totally screwed financially courtesy of the “justice” system.
Yet, today I have my sanity and peace of mind, which is priceless.
If you are living with a narcissist and want to leave, you best have an excellent attorney, get your finances in order and be ready for the battle of your life.
They always win…
Today, my intention was to share my small adventure.
Yet turned into wanting to let you all know.
I get it, I get the feeling trapped and not having the money to take care of yourself, let alone get divorced.
Yet, when there is a will, there is a way.
Our ancestors endured far more and you are all incredibly resilient, smart and full of wisdom.
Take all the energy, you channel and give to others and redirect some to yourself.
- You can heal yourself and create a life you love. One day, one baby step at a time.
